Intro Essay

Tyler Carrizales

Denise Richter

ENG121/CCR094

9/10/2017

                I am Alive…

                A year ago, I wasn’t going to see 21. I was in a very low spot, lower than low. Use your imagination, or better.. don’t. Its not about what I was doing its about the how and the why. Its been almost a year started doing some house cleaning. Cleaning the garbage out of my head. Garbage like “I’m not good enough” “smart enough” “rich enough”. Part of the process, is filling the void left by the garbage. Garbage out, positive thoughts and action.. in. The 30 day challenge I selected is a prescribed program for 30 day positive affirmation challenges and over the next 30 days I will work to stay positive while the challenge will help provide the frame work for the plan.

                Step 1. Practice mental hygiene, first. What is it? The practice of brushing your thoughts teeth. You have to take care of your thoughts or like your teeth they go bad. For some of us poor mental hygiene started in preschool as we took in negative feedback from that mean kid who called us short, fat, dumb, and we believed it.  For others, maybe it’s the family dynamic, not as well behaved or as smart as your sister, or maybe its that class in junior high with the asshole who just can’t wait to call you out. Somewhere along the way we got some messages that there is something wrong with us and we let those messages collect, I call that  “head trash”.  About a year ago, in my low spot, I found myself abusing drugs and alcohol.  It started like most, I partied, a bit, then a lot, I found acceptance because I was really good at having fun, and was always up for a party.  Soon it wasn’t limited to a Friday or Saturday night, but daily.  The lifestyle cost me jobs, friends, and my family relationships were a disaster.  On October 18^th, 2016 I remember thinking I had little to live for and would be dead if I continued.  I wondered exactly how the “hell” did I get here.

 I found the courage to ask for help; I admitted I was self-destructing, hurting, struggling with substance abuse and needed help. The next 45 days, were life changing, for the first time I did an honest assessment of where I was going, I didn’t like it. I made some real changes in my life; my direction, my friends, my activities, and my family.  All needed a bit of clean up and frankly, it’s a continual process.  I struggle from time to time, being back in a classroom, some of that negative stuff comes creeping back. So, I have chosen this 30 day positive affirmation to remind me of my worth, how far I have come, and to do something challenging. I start my day looking at the mirror, and say positive things for 30 days, seems simple, yet terrifying. I have never said one positive thing to myself while looking in the mirror.  This one will take some work.

                Step 2. When I wake up every morning for 30 days I will read the “message of the day” out loud. Some of the messages are long and some of them are short and simple. They are designed to build positive reinforcement and give you confidence. For example, one message says, “I recognize the many good qualities I have.” In today’s day in age we get all caught up in what everyone else thinks. We have all done it one time or another instead of shrugging it off because each of us have these amazing qualities that heavily out way that one bad ones. Every time I read a message I will insert a check mark in my phones calendar for that day. If I miss a day I will record it with an x the same way I recorded the other days. One thing that is important for this, is that when I do miss a day, I recognize it and make sure to do better the next. Without having the head trash. For instance one thing that I will work on in these 30 days, is spoken in the TEDTalks entitled “How To Practice Emotional Hygiene”. He talks about rumination. Which is not letting yourself think to much of certain negative events.

At the end of this 30 day challenge, I want to achieve a higher self-esteem and bring more peace each day as I start it with a positive outlook on life. I believe this will better equip me to handle the daily head trash encountered in traffic, school, work, and with shitty people in our day to day life. I celebrate 11 months sobriety on the 18^th and as great as that feels self doubt still lurks in the back of my head.  Practicing my challenge, even the thought of the challenge gives me a little peace.  I hope you will think about your own head trash and what you may add to others’. Some people don’t have it easy and are just trying to move along. Consider practicing your own 30 day challenge and maybe come up with a way to add to the positive affirmations of others.

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=mental+hygiene+ted+talk&view=detail&mid=02841C4DE28063916EB502841C4DE28063916EB5&FORM=VIRE